Excuse me, are you dead?

A few years ago, I applied for credit and was refused. I contacted  my bank, Santander who told me I was dead. Ahem... I hadn't noticed! Very remiss of me? No, they checked I really was alive, apologised and made amends (£200), but for two weeks I was dead according to the financial world. Not dead for 'tax purposes' as the dodgy Arthur Daly once recommended.

Check out the old 1932 cartoons! 

As someone who sends out those letters and emails asking for money for a good cause (not worked for a bad one yet), I am very sensitive to the hurt that can be caused to loved ones by sending letters out to people who are deceased. We take every precaution! If we are notified by a relative, or by returned post, we update the record and they are not mailed again. We even use external agencies to check for notification of death using precise matching of name and address. We really don't want to send a letter to a dead person, firstly so as not to upset the remaining family, and secondly because it is a waste of charity resources.

We recently sent out a mailing and did a 'screen' to remove those who are no longer living. The printer sent us back the records to remove as a result of the screening. Interestingly enough, five of them still had live direct debits with us. And then, one updated their address. Hmm... methinks that's pretty hard to do if you are dead!

I asked the question on a fundraising chat board and, anonymity promised, I discovered that we were not the only ones being told that our living donors were dead:

"I once had to remove the phone from one of my team who was busily letting a donor know they were dead and therefore she couldn't help them"

"We've just had a supporter restart a Direct Debit who was marked deceased by BACS last year"

"Have had a “deceased” donor on the phone asking why they didn’t get a thank you letter for a donation"

Now the first comment might make you smile, but at the heart of this is the people who have lost someone, who we don't want to mail or contact because of sensitivity to the family. Sometimes a direct debit may continue even with a deceased notification because it's a joint account, and the remaining individual wants to continue supporting the charity. But it goes to show, you can be as careful as you like, but it can be a very hard one to negotiate and make totally pain free. 

In closing, I would just like to apologise to every family who has received mail to a dearly departed, charities really do try their best!

Useful links (possibly!)

• The Bereavement Register (public can ask to stop mailings to deceased)
• Mortascreen (a business service that checks death records and other sources for deceased notifications)
• Experian Mortality (description from Data8)
• Death Notification Service (does what it says)
• General Register Office (UK Govt. 'hatch, match and dispatch')
• Arthur Daly - Minder (British TV comedy)

Liked this? Try...

• Trust in charities
• Fundraising strategies
• Mentoring

Picture source: not sure, but it's from an old Silly Symphonies animation.

Where there’s a Will…

Pushing up the daisies

Writing a Will isn’t a one-time event—it's something you'll likely do multiple times throughout your life, for different reasons. The first time I wrote a Will was when my husband and I bought our first home. Although I’m no longer a property owner, I still have possessions and, more importantly, specific wishes about what happens when I die.

Major life events like buying a house or starting a family are natural times to write or update a Will. I did just that when I had children. Later, when I left my home and began a new chapter on my own, I updated my Will again. Then, life took another turn—happily, I remarried. But did you know that getting married can automatically invalidate a previous Will? I didn’t, so yes, I had to draft yet another one.

The truth is, you don’t need to be old or unwell to make a Will. You just need to be an adult with a clear idea of how you want your affairs handled after you're gone.

Bought the farm

I used to assume that when I died, everything would automatically go to my spouse. [But for those who aren’t married or in a civil partnership, that’s not the case for your partner.] And if you’re separated but not yet divorced, you might still need to update your Will if you don’t want your ex to inherit everything. Financial separation is another thing to consider—I discovered I was still listed on my ex-husband's bank account eight years after our divorce! This meant I could have been liable if he had any
debts, which was quite a shock.

Thankfully, creating a new Will was straightforward. I used the Free Will service from Mental Health UK (MHUK). The process was simple: I filled out a form, detailed my wishes for my estate, and ensured that even my modest assets, like savings, pensions, and life insurance, would be distributed according to my desires. Just to check everything over I then had a call from their solicitor – I didn’t need to go into their office, but you can do it all in person if you prefer.

You don’t need to own a house or have millions in the bank to make a Will—everyone should have one, if only to make sure that your prized possessions, like my bass guitar, end up in the right hands.

Speaking of debts, I’m fortunate not to have any, not even a mortgage. But it's important to note that your debts don’t disappear when you die. A Will can help protect some of your assets from being sold off to pay debts and, more importantly, ease the burden on those left behind.

Whether or not I have a funeral is up to me, but I plan to consult my family about it. My Will includes my wishes: I’d like to be cremated, and I want my friends and family to throw a party—a celebration rather than a time of mourning.

I know many people find it difficult to talk about death, but like taxes and change, it’s inevitable. I’d rather discuss my options now and make my wishes clear in my Will. It’s practical planning, and it can even be tax efficient. Let’s face it, I won’t care once I’m dead, so being thoughtful now is the best I can do.

Kick the bucket

Writing a Will is easy and straightforward. I’ve used MHUK’s Free Will service, and I’ve left a gift to them in my Will. In my case, it’s a pecuniary gift, meaning a specific sum of money. But you can also leave items, like cars, books or, or a percentage of your estate, known as a residuary gift (a percentage of what’s left over after costs, like funerals and debts etc). You can have more than one charity in your Will if you want, but I chose MHUK because it’s a charity I care about. Most charities offer a Free Will writing service - so select the cause you care about and contact them. After family and friends are considered, leaving a gift that will help others is important to me. I encourage you to do the same.

If you haven’t made your Will yet, I strongly suggest you do. The peace of mind it brings to you and your loved ones is invaluable.

Photo copyrights:

• Daisies: FreeImages.com
• Farm: sunderlands.co.uk
• Bucket: Dailystar.co.uk

Useful links:

• Mental Health UK - gifts in Wills
• Rethink Mental Illness - gifts in Wills
• The Law Society - making a Will

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• Mental health
• Long-lived memories
• Tales from a fundraiser

What a year that was

When I was 13 years old, my father died of a heart attack. Widowed at 44 with two children, my mother found it very difficult to cope and had regular melt downs. I didn’t really know what to do to help her. My 17-year-old brother left home within the year, and I had to become an adult rapidly. I became more introvert at school and depressed for several years. I still miss him today, but I learned to cope and to grieve, over time.

I am writing about this now because trauma, such as the loss of a parent, has a huge mental health impact on children and young adults. In my family we had no warning that my father was going to die so suddenly (if it had happened today, he would have had a much greater chance of survival). But for many families there is notice of bereavement; a terminal diagnosis is not going to truly prepare you, but you are forewarned.

I have spent the last year working with a charity whose services focus on pre-bereavement – that vital support you need to prepare for the death of a parent. Anecdotally and from published research, the impact of a parent’s death on children is life-long. So the better this can be handled, the more open and honest you are, and the more you can help prepare the children for the inevitable, then you can reduce emotional lifetime impact. There is nothing you can do to change the fact that the children will grow up without that parent, but open discussions can be a way to connect and navigate those tough emotions together, and find comfort in planning for the future. 

The charity I worked for was established by Sir Andrew Strauss, a cricketer who lost his wife to a non-smoking lung cancer. If you present at your GP with chest or shoulder pain, or some symptoms that can’t be explained and you say you don’t smoke, lung cancer isn’t often looked for. So, when it is finally diagnosed, it’s often too late as in Andrew’s wife, Ruth’s case. This is the second focus for the charity, to raise awareness and improve early diagnosis which will, quite simply, save more lives.

As ever it’s the people that will leave a lasting impression. The fantastic team I’ve worked with, the dedicated donors, fundraisers and supporters - lending their commercial advice, volunteering or donating, or giving of their personal time outside a celebrity or sports career.

I’ve enjoyed working with the cricket world and the dedicated team at Ruth Strauss Foundation (including the Board and Advisors) and learned about non-smoking lung cancer and pre-bereavement. I’ve expanded my experience in more fundraising areas, and discovered I know a lot more about governance than I realised.

I usually like to add a witty anecdote, but this is a serious subject. Yes, there have been some moments (and I’ve collected a few selfies as well), but mostly it’s been immensely rewarding work.

I do love working in this sector.  I look forward to seeing the charity develop and expand – helping more families, supporting more children who are facing the unthinkable, and saving more lives as diagnosis and care is improved for a cancer whose incidence is increasing rapidly.

So long, and thanks for all the … cricket.  

Useful links

• Ruth Strauss Foundation - pre-bereavement support
• Ruth Strauss Foundation - non-smoking lung cancer information

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• Growing around grief
• 62 not out
• Still learning

Growing around grief

Working in the charity sector over the years I have met so many amazing people, from the relatives of loved ones with Alzheimer’s, to survivors of serious accidents - and the families of those who did not survive.  

Dealing with grief at work is very different to dealing with it in your personal life – and I mean both for the bereaved, and for the professional.  In the charity sector, gifts ‘in memory’ of a loved one are hugely important; they allow the bereaved to celebrate a life passed, and also to support a cause close to their heart in that process. It could be anything from Air ambulances to Zoos – there’s usually a relevance to the deceased.

Supporting a charity gives the family the opportunity to share their memories, thoughts and wishes, often through dedicated ‘in memory’ pages on a website. This little bit of immortality can mean a lot to a family and help them process their grief.

Many years ago I learned about Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s Stages of Grief, and later on researched more about her and her extraordinary perspective on life after death.  Her ‘model’ of grief is well known and very logical, but there are other models, such as Tonkin’s ‘growing around’ grief – grief does not really diminish over time, we just grow around it.  There are other models, and Freud had plenty to say on grief too, but models aside, grief is hugely personal.

I lost my father when I was 13 years old. I was very young; I think you could probably equate it to 10 or 11, given the maturity of young people today. My brother’s reaction was to protect me, initially, and then – as my mother disappeared into her grief – to leave home. My reaction? I can’t accurately recall, but I think depression was certainly a big part of it.

Although my father died more than 50 years ago, I still grieve. On the train home from London the other day, I talked to him – told him all about my day (silently, I didn’t need extra space on the train). I clearly saw him in my mind’s eye, sitting in the empty seat opposite me, and he reacted (in my imagination) how I remembered he would have done. 

I didn’t go to my father’s funeral – to the church or the burial. Maybe it would have helped me to have gone, I don’t know, but now at any funeral (even someone I don't really know) I am a useless emotional heap. That may be a legacy of unresolved grief, but it’s often embarrassing. Yes, I have grown around my grief – I don’t wear it daily, but it is easy for me to slip into sadness when I think of all the years I never had with my father, how he never knew me as an adult, or heard me sing (though he may well have hated my music choices), or met his grandchildren. But then again, I never saw him grow old, either.

Today someone said to me that grief is ‘love with nowhere to go’. I found that very moving, but also hope that as we grow around grief, our love is not lost, but finds new avenues, and stays true for those we have loved and lost.

Useful links:

• Cruse Bereavement Support
• Ruth Strauss Foundation - pre-bereavement support for when a family member has a terminal illness
• Winston's Wish - post-bereavement support for children
• MuchLoved - an online in memory site 

Related blog posts

• 62 not out
• Just a year older
• Don't defer diagnosis
• From heartening to heartbreak

62 - not out

My father loved cricket, he played for Sudbury (who knows why as we lived in Barnet) and listened to matches avidly (and probably watched them when we did get a television). I remember names like Fred Trueman and Basil D'oliviera and seeing my father in his whites. I also enjoyed the 'Botham years'. Now this was a long time ago, and though I've only been to one cricket match since my father played, it's a game that sits comfortably in my memories. 

So this January, having finished my role at MDUK in December, I had time to 'rest'. But, in fact, ended up doing plenty including having my kidney stone blasted and the evil stent finally removed. A good time to have my surgery and take a bit of a rest as my new job started on 1st February. 

 New job - new things to learn. I have joined a charity in another area that is new to me - and once again I am moved and inspired by the work they do. It's another maternity cover role which I hugely enjoy, I can lend my experience and knowledge and support the charity whilst their Head of Fundraising is on leave. I'm also really glad that we will work together for a couple of months before she goes on leave so that we can develop the plans for the year ahead together.

But here's why I talked about cricket in this post. The charity is the Ruth Strauss Foundation - and though I didn't know much about the charity beforehand, I had actually heard of Sir Andrew Strauss, the England cricketer. His wife Ruth passed from a non-smoking related lung cancer, leaving two young children. But before she died, she and Andrew planned and launched the charity, the Foundation, to provide support for families where a parent has a terminal diagnosis, and to fund more research into a cancer that is increasing in prevalence.

 I've been reading the research and 'mission' information about the charity and didn't realise that so many children lose a parent each year, nor that non-smoking related lung cancer is the eighth most common cause of cancer-related death. Although smoking is still a huge cause of lung cancer, I wonder about vaping (we have no idea what impact that will have as it's such a 'new' habit) and, of course, our deterioration in air quality as we continue to pollute the planet.

So this charity speaks to me as a parent, a grandparent, someone who has had cancer and as a conservationist. 

I will blog more as I learn more (it's only day three!), but in the meantime, on my very first day I was cheeky enough to ask for a selfie from the man himself, who just happened to pop into the ECB and made a special visit to see the team who were there that day.

Useful links

• Support for families facing bereavement (Ruth Strauss Foundation)
• Losing a parent (Cruse)
• Non-smoking lung cancers (Ruth Strauss Foundation)
• Non-smoking lung cancers (CDC USA)

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• Still learning
• Don't defer diagnosis

Still learning

At the end of 2021 I took a maternity cover contract at Muscular Dystrophy UK (MDUK), as Head of Individual Giving. When I joined, I knew nothing about muscular dystrophy.

Muscular dystrophy (MD), for starters, is around 60 different conditions, all of them muscle-wasting – that means the muscles deteriorate over time. To quote the NHS:

“In most cases, muscular dystrophy runs in families. It usually develops after inheriting a faulty gene from one or both parents. MD is caused by mutations (alterations) in the genes responsible for healthy muscle structure and function.”

Some conditions, like Duchenne, are life-limiting. The heart is a muscle too.

Although categorised as a ‘rare disease’, muscular dystrophy affects around 110,000 people in the UK – which by the time you include their families, friends, and support networks, impacts thousands more. I do have a friend with a muscular dystrophy, I just never realised that’s what it was.

Several things will stay with me from my year with MDUK– one of which is the fact that you can prevent a disease. “Spinal muscular atrophy (SMA) is a group of hereditary diseases that progressively destroys motor neurons.” However, new-born screening can identify whether the baby has the variant gene and gene therapy can be applied early on (way before any physical indications of the condition). With gene therapy, the child can grow up without the life-limiting disease. That to me is mind blowing!

The second is that when a new, disease modifying drug is identified, even after positive clinical trials, it may not be adopted by NICE. MDUK (and many other health-related charities) work hard to ensure access to treatments for those they benefit – and it’s not always a clear-cut case.  I know of two examples of children who have had access to treatment (that isn’t necessarily going to be there in future for others) that has dramatically improved their quality of life. One example is Translarna. I’ll be watching the MDUK website in January to see if NICE have agreed to make it accessible to children newly diagnosed with Duchenne.

The third is the fantastic Changing Places project. I had no idea such toilets existed and the difference they make for families, individuals and carers who just want a simple day out or even just a trip to the supermarket. Now I notice them when I see them, and smile. 

One thing I learned was about myself - and that even though I try very hard to be woke (yeah, it can be an ambition!), I can be guilty of micro-aggressions. I wrote a separate post about this.

I spent the year with amazing colleagues, some with a muscle wasting condition, some with family members with a condition.  And I had the privilege of meeting the people who support, and are supported by, the charity. I learned so much more by just speaking or working with people who have a muscular dystrophy.

Goodbye MDUK, and all the best for 2023 and on. 

Now, on for the next adventure and set of learnings. I do love the third sector, it is always going to surprise, engage and teach me new things.

Liked this? Try...

• Tales from a fundraiser
• Think before you ...
• Always learning

Useful links

• Muscular Dystrophy UK
• Duchenne UK
• Changing Places
• SMA Newborn Baby Screening Alliance

Fundraising strategies

I have been working in fundraising a long time, and I know how to develop strategies, and how to deliver them. But when I talk to others, I often focus too much on the delivery and not enough on the development. So I decided to articulate my thoughts in a blog post. As Simon Sinek says, 'Start with the Why'

Firstly, why am I doing this post? Because I know that sharing my strategic knowledge and expertise helps others in the sector, and - in the long run - it will help me. Articulating what I do instinctively is not always easy in an interview situation, for example. 

Simplified example 'synergy' model (C) CT-S

One of the things I have noticed with strategy development in some charities is that there can be a 'missing link' between operational delivery and fundraising strategy. By that, I mean that the financial need hasn't been linked closely to the beneficial outcome. That sounds crazy, but sometimes a fundraising target is set as a percentage increase, rather than articulated as "£x would enable us to deliver...". 

There is nothing more motivational to fundraisers, and indeed donors, than the impact of the charity's work. 

I start with the ‘Why’. This enables me to identify the case for support before I even begin looking at the strategy. Once you have the Why clearly articulated, strategy development can begin. 

My first action is then an audit: what has already been done, how has it performed, what is happening in the sector? This gives context to the plans that will evolve from creating clear objectives (the What, defined by the Why) and provide insight into which tactics ('How') you will consider putting into the plan to deliver your objectives.

Objectives can be SMART (and they can be stretch goals - 'wouldn't it be amazing if...'), but they also need to be agile . In these challenging times when we just don't know what will happen (pandemics, war, economic crises), having objectives that can be flexed is an advantage. Mixing your strategic approaches (see illustration) is also a wise move in uncertain times. 

Strategic approaches, from a presentation by
Cameron Cummings of JAA Media

Before you get to your 'How' (tactics you will use to deliver your objectives), getting internal buy-in and the collaboration - or even just understanding - of peers within the charity is also vital in ensuring success. This is the internal 'Who', though you will also use Who to look at audiences.

If your senior management team understands your strategy and how it will impact their teams (whether fundraising or not), then you are more likely to achieve the outcomes you intend. It will also help as you plan the resources you need to deliver, as it is likely that you will need support from others that you do not directly line manage. 

Make sure your tactics have a budget and a schedule ('When'). And 'When' can mean  a longer-term ROI or lifetime value, as well as a short-term income target. 

I developed the fundraising strategy template I use from the Chartered Institute of Fundraising's Diploma training, but I have adapted it considerably according to cause and income stream. There's some resources below, but do talk to your peers in other charities too.

Resources

• Chartered Institute of Fundraising - Strategy for small charities
• Developing a Fundraising Strategy - CAF
• Developing your fundraising strategy - DSC
• How to develop a killer fundraising strategy - Goodbox
• Wouldn't it be amazing if... check out Rob Woods, Brightspot Fundraising
• RAW London - planning and strategy in charity campaigns (includes presentation by Cameron, from JAA)
• JAA Media
• Hospice strategy resources from Brightspot Fundraising 

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• Trust in charities
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Trust in charities

In today's climate, the need for charities and their support is greater than ever. Food banks, money advice, even dog rescue, are busier than ever. But how do you know which charity to trust? There's often media stories that will overblow an issue, and there are also issues that go unnoticed. Here's my personal take on why we can trust charities, and how to make sure your gift counts. 

Scams

Many people want to bypass the charity and donate direct to beneficiaries, but this can be challenging and also an opportunity for fraud. Some of the typical scams you will find are social media posts that feature a person (usually a child) or animal in need of a wish come true holiday/urgent treatment etc, with an appealing picture and a link to a crowdfunding site. Even for a genuine appeal, some scammers will clone the story/site and set something up that is so similar you wouldn't realise you weren't supporting the cause you thought you were.

Another scam is around door to door collection bags (see the Sunday Post example). Many charities use collection bags to get stock for their shops or to sell on and make an income this way, but some bags may look like they come from a charity (and even add that they support a charity), but may in fact be a commercial company or even a scam.  

Donating safely

Here's a couple of things you can do to check before donating to a charity or supporting a cause you've seen advertised in another way:

Collection bags and charity shops

• Make sure there is a registered charity no. on the collection bag 

• 

  Photo from Sunday Post

  Make sure it matches the number on the charity's website
• Check on the charity's website that they do door to door collections
• If there's something that looks dodgy, then phone the charity
• If you can, take your donated goods directly in to a local charity shop - as well as ensuring your goods reach the right destination, if you pay tax the charity could claim Gift Aid on the goods you donate, making your donation go further.

Donating to a charity

If you know the charity personally, like a hospice or another local service, then this is great. It's easy to find out more because you will know someone who knows them well. But if you are not 'in the know', then you may want to find out more:

• Look on the Charity Commission website, using their search function. You should be able to find the charity easily enough. You can filter your searches by area or, if you know it, by using the charity's registered charity number (which must be displayed on their website)
• Type in your charity name or cause area (eg 'Pig Rescue' or 'Animal Rescue, Norfolk' for example) and a list of relevant charities will appear. With the first list that appears you can immediately see if a charity is late submitting its accounts which could mean you should look into them a little further
• You can look at the charity's accounts which will tell you a lot more - don't worry if you can't 'read accounts', they usually have good explanations of their expenditure and impact
• Search the web for any stories about the charity to make sure there are no current negative reports that should concern you. 

Telephone calling

If you receive a phone call from a charity asking for a donation, it must be a charity you already support - cold calling is not allowed in the UK. And if you don't want to be phoned, they have to respect your choice - just make sure they know your preferences (see below for some resources on how to stop mailings and calls). 

Street and door to door fundraising

(C) Dogs Trust

This is a legitimate and highly successful form of fundraising, because it allows in depth conversation about the charity. But there are some scammers out there - so firstly check their ID badge. Does it look right? Does it have the current charity logo? Does it have the name and photo of the person holding it? Never invite a fundraiser into your home. If you need to go and get a bank card, etc, then close the door, they won't think you are being rude. You can also give the charity a quick phone too (using a searched number, not one they give you). Many charities (see the Dogs Trust example) will also have pages on their website showing you photos of the canvassers, and will always verify if they are in your area or not.

Most door to door and street fundraisers WILL NOT ask for cash (and may lose their jobs if they take it), so if they do, close the door/move on. You can always phone the charity to check, and make a donation then if you feel moved to do so; but let them know you met one of their fundraisers.

Donating directly

If you want to give a homeless person cash in the street, then that is your choice. If you want that homeless person to eat, then buy them a sandwich. If you want a homeless person to have the option of going into a night shelter, then donate to the night shelter. 

If you see a social media post that really touches your heart - be very diligent in checking it out; don't just click and donate. If the post directs you to a JustGiving or Crowdfunder type page, firstly enter those sites separately and search for the cause independently. Secondly, search the cause catch phrase (eg 'Little Jonah needs a new heart') in your favourite search engine, with the word 'scam'. 

Donating directly may feel like it's bypassing the 'overheads' of a charity, but charities are set up for good reason - because they are often the best way of delivering the service or benefit that you want to give to the cause you care about. I used the homeless example above - it's easy to donate directly to an individual in front of you, but how would you pay the staff in the homeless shelter who feed the guests? How would you go about funding something complex like medical research that needs scientific peer reviews?  Charities are there to tackle some of the most challenging problems in our society and on the planet - they have huge responsibility and a huge impact. 

If you are in doubt about any solicitation from a charity, then don't hesitate to look them up and phone them - they won't mind. Double check their website (and find it by a search, not using any links in an email) and give them a call.

You can trust charities

This might seem like a scaremongering post, but it isn't. I want to increase trust in charities and make sure that your good will gets to do the absolute best it can for a cause you care about. Fundraising is regulated - but like any sector, it can be abused. Take care, and please keep giving.

Useful resources

• Pakistan disaster - fake charity warning (updated 2 Sept 2022)
• The Charity Commission Register
• The Fundraising Regulator 
• More scams - Action Fraud advice
• Charities can get scammed too
• Friends against scams
• Civil Society - includes reports on charities being investigated 

Your preferences

As well as contacting the charity directly, you can contact the following services to change how you are contacted by charities and commercial organisations too:

• The Fundraising Preference Service
• The Mail Preference Service
• The Telephone Preference Service

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• Mentoring
• Think before you...
• Tales from a fundraiser
• Field day

I didn't like this...

• Chancellor's charity pays its only employee 70% of it's income

Don't defer diagnosis

Have you put off going to the doctor because you are worried about the diagnosis or think you shouldn't bother others?   I have.  Have you ever said any of the following? I'd be surprised if you haven't:

"I'll leave it for now", "I'm sure it'll get better in time", "I'll get round to eventually", "yeah, but I have to... first". 

Here's a quick list I'd like you to read and consider carefully. Put aside your 'yeah but...' and put yourself first. 

1.    You are not 'wasting' the doctor's time with a symptom. However minor it might seem, if it is a marker for disease (eg blood in your urine or faeces, unusual persistent pain or anything else which you know is just not right for you), then tell your doctor and get an appointment. Insist if you have to.

2.    Attend all your scans and tests, no matter how uncomfortable or unpleasant. A scan or smear etc can detect something that you can't see or feel. You are not wasting time by attending these appointments, in fact you could be saving more than just time.

3.    Get on with it. It's very simple - the earlier something is diagnosed and can be treated, the more chance you have of living a longer, healthier life. And remember, early diagnosis may also mean you can sigh with relief that whatever has been bugging you is, in fact, something easily treatable.

4.    Have a regular 'feel'. A small lump could be something as simple as a cyst, and if it's anything else, the sooner it is attended to, the better.  You know which bits of you to check, I'm just reminding you to do it regularly.

5.    Getting a diagnosis can be scary, but it's also vitally important as early diagnosis has such an impact on the outcomes. 

6.    The shock of diagnosis (for you or a family member) can be huge. This is perhaps the hardest to get your head around, but is very important: take control - work with your clinicians, friends and family, with support groups and charities. Diagnosis is often a 'first step' in your journey, and everyone takes a different path. Your preferences and wishes should be listened to by all involved in your care. 

7.    Treatment can be challenging, but it may mean the difference between all your friends and family being there for your next birthday, or for your funeral. Treatments for different conditions are highly personalised these days so someone else's experience may not be a good compass for your journey. 

8.    It's OK to ask stupid questions. And it's OK to ask them more than once.

9.    You are not alone. You never know who else may understand what you are going through -  share (in the right way, with the right people, in a way that suits you). You will be amazed who comes out to support you.

I was prompted to write today not only because of my own experience, but because I read about a family who has had their child diagnosed with a life limiting condition. The diagnosis (which they did not delay) has shattered the family and they were frozen with fear. Nobody wants a diagnosis that casts such a shadow over their lives, it's out of human control, it's almost mind-bendingly difficult to assimilate. But others stepped in to seek help. In reaching out, their journey is no longer quite so desolate - there will now be someone there with them, with a lamp to help light the difficult path ahead.   

Useful links

• How do I check for cancer?

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• Four wounds and a bruise
• Attitude and examination

Photo courtesy of https://greatpeopleinside.com/dealing-with-procrastination/ 

Author's note: after my first draft of this post, I went through and took out all the 'don't' statements. It's too easy to list what not to do - I hope turning it into what we 'can' do reads better.

Mentoring

I'm an 'old hand' in the fundraising world, I started in the not for profit sector back in the 90s! I've worked in higher education, conservation, medical research and emergency medicine charities, and all have been unique and invaluable experiences. I've focused on individual giving, but also done major donor fundraising, legacy marketing, trusts and foundation fundraising, and a little bit of community and corporate fundraising. I was writing in the fundraising media about GDPR in 2014 (trying to raise awareness of what was coming), and been a compliance champion both for data protection and gambling regulations (for charities). In other words, I've had a very well-rounded fundraising career to date. 

I don't just do fundraising

I'm not bragging, I'm setting out the scenario for why I have been mentoring other fundraisers for some time. My most recent mentee was in major giving; I was asked if I would support them by their director. I have to say it was a hugely rewarding process because discussing plans, ideas, and results with a different charity (and a different role to my current one) not only helped the mentee but also helped me think more about my own role and charity. The mentee did extremely well and I saw their confidence grow rapidly.  Our mentoring partnership has now finished and they have moved on to another charity. I know the mentee is happy, but not sure about their director - I don't think developing them out of the organisation was the plan.

But that, again, is what I love about the charity sector. We see the benefit in developing individuals who continue to contribute to the sector - who grow, and in turn grow the charities they work for, which - in the end - benefits everyone.

If you are considering mentoring, don't worry about whether you are expert enough - the conversations will soon show you how you can add value. And most of all, mentoring is as rewarding for the mentor as it is for the mentee. 

There are plenty of resources out there advising how to select a mentor, the dos and don'ts of mentoring, and how to record and track progress (eg goal setting, stretch goals, habit forming goals etc). It doesn't have to take a lot of time - an hour a month perhaps.

Please consider mentoring, and not just in your discipline - you will be amazed how you can support others and watch them grow, and enjoy your own development too. If you think you'd like to be a mentor, or have a mentor, then talk to your network, talk to your HR manager, but never be afraid to ask.

Useful links:

• Chartered Institute of Fundraising Mentoring Programme
• Mentorloop software (a good blog on mentoring)
• CIPD mentoring factsheets

Liked this? Try...

• Tales from a fundraiser
• What a difference a word makes

Think before you...

Photo (C) courtesy of MDUK

I listened to a short radio interview today - a young woman with a muscle-wasting condition, talking about the 'microaggressions' she experiences as a person who uses walking aids. It really made me think - how often have you seen someone in a powered chair and thought or said 'Oh, I could do with one of those!'?  And the person using it would have swapped with you in a heartbeat to not have a disabled body.

The term 'microaggression' is an interesting one, and I found this definition: 

"They're something very specific: the kinds of remarks, questions, or actions that are painful because they have to do with a person's membership in a group that's discriminated against or subject to stereotypes. And a key part of what makes them so disconcerting is that they happen casually, frequently, and often without any harm intended, in everyday life."

Have I been guilty of microaggressions? Almost certainly. So how does it happen? This is my take: the unconscious bias kicks in, and the conscious tries to balance it out, and the result can be a microaggression that you are totally unaware of. 

With unconscious bias, the key is to make it known - if you have an underlying and maybe even unrecognised prejudice (and we all have them, no matter how woke we may think we are!), then you are halfway to being able to think before you speak and hopefully avoid that microaggression. 

Another thing that Louise said was about the 'pity smile' - a smile that is given which is born from another's attempt at empathy, but falls flat as a pancake. What I have taken away from Louise's conversation with BBC Radio Scotland (listen from 1:45:30) is that I need to think before I make assumptions and not apply my values to someone else's situation without understanding or considering their perspective.

Learn more:

• Walks Like a Duck - Louise on the BBCLouise on the MDUK website
• What exactly are microaggressions? Vox media
• Unconscious bias - Harvard's IAT test (it's well worth taking!)
• Louise on Twitter

Liked this? Try...

• Always learning
• Little Lifts

Always learning

Research - vital in finding treatments
for muscle wasting conditions (C) MDUK

'Always learning' is what I replied to a LinkedIn post asking 'what two words sum it up for fundraisers?"  Because no matter what job I have had, I have always learned something new, and I've learned a lot more from recent interviews too. Each job I applied for I researched the charity, and for those that I interviewed for, I was privileged to talk to some of the team members and learn even more.

Last week I started a new role (a maternity cover) at Muscular Dystrophy UK (MDUK). And the learning for me is in full swing. I had no idea that ther are over 60 different muscle wasting conditions, and that muscular dystrophy is more of a collective term. The most common, or perhaps just the one I'd heard of, is Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, and it is common in male children in the UK. It's scary to think that your newborn could end up with a condition that means reaching 30 years old would be an achievement.

The charity are small compared to some I've worked for, but the cause is big. 70,000 or so individuals with muscle wasting conditions in the UK, and their families - parents, grandparents, carers, siblings... they are all affected by MD.

I'm only her for 10 months, but while I am I am going to do everything I can to make the team I work for a success, and help raise income for the work of MDUK which includes research, support and information, advocacy and campaigning. 

It's early days in the role, but I am always learning, and (I can't help it), always fundraising. I will be posting more as I learn more. 

Liked this? Try....

• Charity Begins ... from November 2011
• Proud to be a fundraiser - from October 2016
• Fundraisers are human too - from July 2019
• Expect to pay for the packaging - January 2013

Useful links:

• MDUK - A-Z of conditions
• Changing Places map (toilets for people with special access needs)
• Play the MDUK Christmas Raffle (go on - you may win a prize and you will be helping people with muscle wasting conditions)
• Win a Mini raffle - very cool prize!

It may be cute but...

A few years back there was a popular video
of a pet slow loris circulating on social media.
They do not make good pets.

On a cat lovers' group on Facebook someone had posted a 'cute' video of a small marmoset dressed up, and it got lots of likes and the comment 'Wish I had one'.

This is SOOOO WRONG! Whether the animal itself was captive bred or not, images like these encourage people to think owning wildlife means they will have a 'cute' pet - no consideration for the damage to the species, the illegal trade (serious crime involved in wildlife trade from primates to orchids), and the damage to the environment they live in.

Don't think this is a big problem? Check this out - Tech companies take down 3 million online listings for trafficked wildlife. Yes, 3 million, and as well as each one of those posts, there are thousands of other wildlife traded in posts that are 'disguised' on social media (eg ivory sold as white plastic). I won't even start on the wildlife markets, but they are almost certainly to thank for Corona Virus jumping to humans.

Please - if you see a cute picture of a wild animal kept as a pet, do not hit like or share, but report it to the admins of the site/group and point out the danger of encouraging people to want wild animals as pets.

(Oh, and in case you think this is just a problem in Asia, if you go on holiday and bring back a shell, or an item made of a rare wood, you may well be committing a crime too!)

Further information:

• TRAFFIC - the charity tackling international trade in wildlife
• WWF - who partner closely with TRAFFIC to stop illegal wildlife trade
  
• IFAW/Responsible Travel - and the danger of wildlife holiday souvenirs

Liked this? Try...

• Being in Malaysia
• An overheard conversation
• A night on the Brecks

Photo credit: TRAFFIC.org

Little lifts

Having cancer myself has, of course, sent both Sheena and I into a slightly more reflective frame of mind, especially when we think about the last 18 months. In October 2018, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and we went through a hell of a journey together. We have moved on so much - she is so much stronger and returning to her normal self. Her final treatment was in January, so it's still a recent memory, but we felt we were back on track.

We were to become very familiar with
the Wolverstone Ward (C) Ipswich Star

My recently diagnosed cancer is different and it will affect me in different ways. I'm very happy that there is no indication that I'll need chemotherapy (at the moment); I went to every one of Sheena's treatments, and although we tried to make them a positive experience, the physical, mental and long-term effects took a lot of getting over. For her, of course, but partially for me as observer too. Partners of loved ones going through chemo will know what I mean.

But I want to take you back to a moment that was pretty huge - when we first had the nature of Sheena's cancer confimred. We were taken into a family room, and sat down. A nurse entered, and left a bag by the vacant chair that faced us, and said she'd be right back. Sheena made a joke about seeing what was in it. In due course the nurse returned and told us the bad news, and also outlined what would happen next. This was so important for us - there was so much to take in, but the nurse was kind, patient and explained everything as clearly as she could.

(C) Little Lifts

At the end of the conversation, the nurse took the bag and gave it to Sheena. It was a box in a tote bag that said 'Little Lifts'. This was for Sheena, and provided by a local charity. The box contained many helpful items for someone who was going to have chemo - from an ice lolly mould (keeping the mouth cool helps), to little treats like chocolate and cordial. There was a soft plastic cutlery set (again for the sensitive mouth), and a number of other bits and pieces - all of which were a delight. Seemed odd to be getting a present for having cancer, but it did exactly what it said on the box, and gave Sheena a little lift at a difficult time.

I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you to Little Lifts, they made a difference then, and are still doing so now for others. Cancer hasn't stopped because of Covid-19. If you get a chance, donate to your local cancer charity (or Little Lifts if you can). Thank you.

Useful links:
Little Lifts
Ipswich and Colchester Hospitals Blossom Appeal
Breast Cancer information
Bowel Cancer information

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Attitude and examination
Missing people

It’s not you, it’s me

This isn’t about relationships in the traditional sense, it’s about jobs. I recently applied for a job that looked absolutely perfect! It was in the right location, the right skill set, and the role was a step up for me.

I wrote a great application and got an interview. After a tour of the location (it was amazing, a wonderful place to work I’m sure), and some honest conversations with the senior team, I went through the formal interview process with the Board.

A mindfulness moment

And when it came to ‘why do you want this job?’ I answered honestly. And realised I had applied for all the wrong reasons. It was the perfect location, the perfect role, and yet I wasn’t the perfect candidate.

I had applied for the role because it was all the things that I thought I was looking for. But, the truth is, I am not really looking for another job. I love where I work, but had said to myself what my ‘next step’ should be, and this role fitted the bill.

I’m not ready for the next step, not when it isn’t the right step. The next role I apply for must be for the right reasons, for a real desire to do what they are asking, not just tick a few boxes in the ‘how to progress your career’ list. I lacked passion and purpose for this role, and they saw it

In this case, it wasn’t them, it was me. And I’m grateful for the opportunity to have found myself out, and to have also met some amazing people at another fantastic charity. Meanwhile, I know my passion and purpose are very much focused on my current role, even if it doesn’t have the fancy job title that would give my ego a little boost. I work for an amazing charity, have fantastic colleagues and a great team. I’m not finished here yet.

 Liked this? Try this blog where I found this great quote:

“Passion alone does not provide the greatest fulfillment in our lives. Passion that is LINKED to a PURPOSE, provides the greatest fulfillment in our lives.”

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Kindess is a strength

Choice

Photo (C) Carolyn Sheppard

Field day

Mid-September, the weather is on the turn. Gone are the heady days of summer, but the hay needs bringing in, so the wildflower meadow can flourish.  There’s lots of wildlife in the meadow – lizards, frogs and insects.  The grass has to be hand raked to preserve the wildlife and to stop the rotting cuttings putting too many nutrients into the ground and changing the meadow’s plant life balance.

The field had been mown with a brush cutter (giant strimmer to you and me) and now the long rows of cut grass and other plants needed raking up and putting into the woods where it could rot nicely, and provide further havens for other herpetological inhabitants. 

It all came about when I asked my team if they wanted to do something different for a ‘team day’, and the result was this – we volunteered our services (humanpower) to Pensthorpe, which has around 700 acres of land that it manages for conservation.

The idea was proposed by one team member so she was team leader for the day, but our work was of course directed by the Pensthorpe team.  We spent all morning raking and moving the grass and saw lots of wildlife including butterflies, dragonflies, and the already mentioned lizards and frogs.

After lunch we moved to working on fence repair, and I learned how to dig a 3 foot deep post hole.  It was hard work, but we worked well as a team, and the three missing fence panels were erected securely and the electric fence to keep the less popular wildlife out of the nesting grounds was pinned back across.

It may seem odd that charity staff should volunteer for another charity, but in my mind it was a fitting example of how our charity (an air ambulance) contributes to the wider community – not only through our services, but through our thoughts and deeds as community members.

I thoroughly enjoyed the day, and so did my colleagues, and though we were a little tired, the objective of effective teamwork was not only achieved, but Pensthorpe had a clear wildflower meadow and a new fence erected.

Links:

Pensthorpe

East Anglian Air Ambulance

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Karsting a spell
Ramsey Canyon

First Aid

I work for a charity that focuses on saving lives. So even as a fundraiser I am trained in first aid. I think this is an amazing attitude for the charity to take, and who knows – one day it may come in extremely useful.

My colleagues and I did our annual refresher today – keeping up to date with changes in practice (such as when to call 999 in relation to a choking – advice that has changed in the last 12 months) to refreshing our knowledge and practice of CPR.

The pace of change that we see in every aspect of our lives, especially technological, is also affecting how first aid can be delivered. There are now some amazing apps you can download on your phone that will teach you more about CPR, that will alert local first responders, and eventually there will be other innovations like drone delivery of urgent medical kit like AEDs (automated external defibrillators – those things that deliver the shock to the heart).  

Stopping the bleeding

In some Scandinavian countries, up to 80% of the general public know how to do CPR and use an AED. In the UK it’s more like 40%.  Given that CPR dramatically increases your chance of survival after a cardiac arrest, the more people who can deliver CPR and are confident in using an AED the better.

What would you do if your loved one had a heart attack? What would you do if your child started choking? If you suffered a major injury that resulted in a lot of bleeding?  If you can find the time, you could save a life.  I feel more confident now that if needed I could do the basic first aid that could buy the vital time you need before the professionals arrive.

If you have an AED in your town or at your place of work, know where it is.  Don’t be afraid - find out how to use it - as our trainer said, you can't do any damage as they are automated to help you do it right, even if you've never touched one before.

Useful links:

UK Resuscitation Council

British Heart Foundation

St John's Ambulance

And do search for First Aid apps on your phone.