Just connect

We went to see Sandi Toksvig's live show last night - her one woman show was entertaining and she involved the audience several times with questions, and stories.

A show like this can often be the host just talking at you, waiting for laughter, and carrying on, but Sandi genuinely wanted interaction. That's hard to achieve when you are one, and there's 600 or so people sat watching you, but she didn't do half bad.

The main message - apart from her amusing anecdotes and wonderful stories of things interesting (like 95% of all the world's people ever are dead) - was about connection.

In the interval she encouraged us not to turn on our phones and to talk to someone we didn't know. And though her message was delivered with her usual erudite humour, it was an important message I think many related to. Certainly there was lots of random chatting in the queue for the ladies!

There was a big notice in the ladies: "Red dot is engaged". I suggest we congratulate her next time we see her - and instead of sideways glances and getting ahead in the queue quicker, my quip received smiles. In other words, Sandi's message of getting us to just connect was working.

Of all the things that made me smile, laugh out loud, clap and enjoy  myself, it's the reminder that we need to connect with others that I think is the most valuable of all. I hope the others felt the same.

Image (C) whoever did her promotion. http://www.sanditoksvig.com/

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Scary shoes...

Have you ever had one of those weeks when different sources all say the same thing? You know, you see a pair of shoes you like in a shop window, then you see a friend wearing them, then your favourite TV star has them on… so you think ‘those shoes are meant for me!'

Well, sometimes the messages you get are a bit more direct, and more important. I’ve recently been on a couple of self-development events. Now scoff you may, but self-development is simply the will to change something in your life, or in yourself, and actually doing something about it.

The interesting thing is that the two different courses had similar but different angles on the same message (not surprising perhaps). What is more interesting is that my fundraising training also had the same message, and the person closest to me is also saying the same thing.

It’s about time I listened and took some steps towards making the changes that I want.  Yes, I have actively pursued these learnings, so there is no coincidence perhaps, but what is coming through is a simple message. If I want to change, all I have to do is believe in what I want.

Forget the past, the hurts and the difficulties, I have to look forward and start moving towards what I want. Doesn’t matter if I never get there, I need to start moving in the right direction instead of standing still and looking about in a ‘woe is me’ kind of way. OK, maybe I’m not that defeatist, but taking an active step forward can be very difficult. Bugger it. I need to move forwards.

If only life were this simple...

And the other interesting thing is that this resonates so much with what I learned about leadership years back when I worked in learning and development. How can I have ignored all the messages that were so clear then, and yet not acted on them? Simple, I let the past cloud my progress. I let negative me win the arguments.

Well, stuff the past, and my negative voices - I have to learn to be present. That’s not easy though, not the least because I’m not really sure what it means. But more than that, I have to learn to dream. Just because one set of expectations or dreams were postponed, shattered or rewritten, doesn’t mean I can’t plan ahead for something different. "No use crying over spilt milk", comes to mind.

There’s no ‘magic bullet’, no moment of enlightenment for me, but a steady progress. If I want change in my life (and I do), then I have to envision what that is, and make it my intent. By that I mean if I want to lose weight, I don’t want to ‘go on a diet’, I ‘intend to be fitter and healthier’. Bullshit? It doesn’t matter whether it is bull poo or not, it’s the way of thinking that matters. And event though I don't agree with some of the theories or ideas that I've been presented with recently, that's OK too. I will take and use what I need.

I don’t know for sure exactly what I want, but I know more about where I want to be. So instead of wandering aimlessly, I at last have a bit more of a sense of direction.  I’m on a journey that will ultimately end in my death. That’s OK, that’s cool. But I’m going to try and make it a better ride, with comfier seats.

Liked this post?  Check out these:

Mind your mind

My take on the universe 

Some other interesting links:

Free mindfulness

Karl Moore on Twitter

Richard Wilkins says 'F*ck it'

Photo credits:

Scary shoes

Roller coaster

Mind your... mind

Many years ago, when employed at a learning and development specialist, we all had a 'team day'. We didn't build bridges across the river with a ball of string and three tin cans, but we did have fun laser-shooting each other and running around a field together. Not everyone's idea of fun, but I enjoyed it.

At one point, either on this or another away day, we had a meditation session. We all sat in a darkened room whilst a timer softly went 'bong' at regular intervals. I have to say I couldn't sit still. I wiggled, I opened my eyes (to watch everyone else with their eyes closed), and I had a desperate urge to run around the room. In other words, I wasn't much good at meditating!

And now?

Mindfulness is a real buzz word at the moment - especially in the 'self-aware' and 'self-help' arena. But it's also raising it's head in the business world, with the benefits of meditation, taking personal time out and simply learning how to relax being great tools in the battle against stress.

I recently undertook a short course on mindfulness - because I do get stressed. I have a busy job, a busy social life, and don't always take the best course of action for a stress-free life. I first heard about mindfulness at work - a free hour session on the science park where I spend my days. I attended the hour, and thought that the basic principles were pretty sound. And, goodness knows, I could surely do with some quiet time in my mind.

I dream at night in full colour, full adventures, sometimes horrific, sometimes lovely, most often busy and intriguing and quite often exhausting. My mind is a pretty busy place, even when I'm asleep. So mindfulness seemed like a good starting place.

I signed up for a short e-course, but it wasn't just on line. I received regular texts and one to one calls from the course leader, Sam, and he talked me through the techniques, and through issues I was experiencing. He didn't offer advice, he didn't tell me what I should or shouldn't do, he listened, and he explained how mindfulness could help. And it did.

I developed the mindfulness habit, and now every night (well almost, after my party in the summer I couldn't stay awake to do it) I spend just a few minutes being mindful. Learning to clear my mind has not been easy - it's still a busy place and I still dream in surroundsound and technicolour, but slowly I am learning to relax my mind. I've discovered different depths of vision when my eyes are closed (who knew!) and also how to focus better on nothing, rather than everything. Then when something barges in, it's not cluttered, and I can deal with it.  Thank you Sam!

So, I'm a mindfulness convert. My next programme is a 'tiny pause' - to help with sleeping. I'm not the greatest of sleepers, so let's hope this next adventure is as useful and practical as the last.

Meditate? No, still not something I think I could do, not for more than maybe ten deep breaths...

Liked this? Try this...
http://www.ukfolkie.blogspot.co.uk/2006/11/of-mud-and-motivation.html (the 'away day' as mentioned above)
More from my blog on EFT http://www.ukfolkie.blogspot.co.uk/2007/12/learning-about-eft.html
NLP http://www.ukfolkie.blogspot.co.uk/2008/06/nlp.html


Photo credit Microsoft Clipart