Amazing dementia lab

I have to post the quickest blog about this ever - this on line lab is just amazing! I like the way it uses a Facebook interaction in a very clever way - try it out and see what I mean. It makes it personal and also gets across a very pertinent message.

If you haven't seen it yet, visit the ARUK Lab www.dementialab.org and then vote for it here in the awwwards!

This is an amazing bit of tech, but more important is the story it tells about dementia research.

Thank you.

This single life - internet dating

I have a number of friends who have been successful using internet dating to meet their partner - in fact there are claims that one in five new relationships start on line. We spend more time on line these days than ever before and do more and more things on line, so why not dating too? After all, it's got to be easier than going into a pub or club on your own, hasn't it? You have the safety of distance - cyber distance.

There's a lovely infographic here about how people spend their time on line, and top of the list is email. It doesn't, however mention internet dating or the percentage of people on line who look at or search for 'stuff' that they certainly wouldn't mention in a survey. In fact the internet has produced such a wealth of free material, that it's challenged the industry to reinvent itself. If you don't know what I'm on about - look at this article here. Safe, I promise! It's a link to Reuters.

So what has prompted me to write a blog about this much publicised medium for finding a partner? Well, there's nothing like experience, is there. And experience shared may do absolutely nothing for you, but it helps me.

Now, let's look at the logic of this - what is a dating site? It's a shop window. And like anything else, if you want to sell, you have to market it. I write a nice profile (engaging copy as we'd say in the trade), and I put up some photographs of myself (won't buy without seeing the product), and I looked up some other profiles of 'your recommended matches'.

The result is that I find I am a) too old b) too fat or c) too far away. And, I guess, d) unappealing. I have to add d), because of the lack of response and rather depressing outlook that internet dating has given me. Let's face it - people do react to first impressions, and though you could probably write up a storm on a personal profile, your mugshot is going to be what 99% of people make a decision on. (OK, my statistic isn't verified, but the overall precept is - check out Psychology Today).

So, for me to make a good first impression, relying on a dating website is not the right place. I have no chance to further influence anyone who chances across my profile. They will make a snap decision based on the top two sentences, and no matter how good they are, if the face doesn't fit, then they will go no further.

The one thing I believe you should be on any kind of website where you are representing yourself is honest. So though I have some nice photos (even photoshopped!) I don't put them up as my main profile picture. That isn't me. And the thing is that me being honest isn't much use anyway, because not everyone else is. I have had conversations (brief) with individuals who are married (no thank you!) or who live miles away (internet sex? no thank you either). And the photographs - the age and the photo don't match, but sometimes they are honest enough to say 'Here's a photo taken ten years ago'... hah hah!

All right, so I'm sounding sad and cynical, but in truth it's just about the medium. It's not right for me - but it may be right for you.

Photocredit: http://mysavvysisters.com/internet-dating-safety-tips-for-women/

Friends we've never met

There's a well known line that a 'stranger is just a friend you've never met'. Well, that's a lovely rule to follow, but not always true of course. And in pre-internet days you'd never have made a friend you'd never met except, perhaps, a pen pal.

But the delights of the internet are that you can make friends, real friends, that you've never met. And sometimes you get to meet them, and sometimes you don't.

I have good friends - friends who came into my life in different ways and some who were here for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.

I have friends I made over the internet such as Cathy (in Ireland) and Nadine (in the US, pictured left)  who I have met and who have deeply influenced my life. They've been a terrific support in hard times, great fun in good times, and opened up my life. I now travel to Ireland and the US to visit them and we will be friends come hell or high water!

There are also 'lost' friends you find again on the internet. Facebook is a typical example of how this can happen. An old school friend, a former lover, a long-lost family member... or a friend of a friend that you share interests with.

There are also friends I've made who I've never met. There are people I have learned to admire like WoodlandDave on Twitter. A real nature explorer and education specialist. I've never met him, but I know he's someone I would like. And then there's Linny - we don't just tweet at eachother, we have a dialogue and we 'chat' over twitter and Facebook. I know already I like her. She is a friend, even though we've never met.

The internet is, of course, a potential minefield of danger and duplicity. But if, like me, your basic instinct is trust, it can be a heck of a good place to make new friends. Just don't ever send money, and never arrange to meet anyone you aren't absolutely sure of.

Blogging

Well, it may seem I have neglected this little blog, but in truth I've been running two other blogs (work based), plus I should do more on the Sheppard Family History one.

Also, I'm tweeting, facebooking, myspacing... I think ... I'm very scared that I might ... actually be turning into a virtual person too!

Nope - the ironing still needs doing, I can't be that virtual!

Check out my work blog if you get the chance:

http://www.thecompletetrainer.blogspot.com/

And, of course, I'm putting lots of stuff on my main site too http://www.thecompletetrainer.com/

Outside of work I've been designing the cover for Ted's album that Bryan recorded www.myspace.com/edwardmikalski and doing loads of other things. Mel has been accepted by a modelling agency (hardly surprising, she is drop dead gorgeous) and I took Alex up to Coventry University last week for his interview. Conditional acceptance, way to go!!

Right, back to work, that's enough for this lunch time! Oh, I should have another blog post up soon - Shani and I are doing a St Patrick's night on Saturday. Yes, English and Israeli singing Irish songs all night. Should be a laugh! See you at the Gunmakers Arms, Loughton, by any chance??

Tardy!

I was admonished today for not having updated my blog in the last month. Oh dear oh dear! Well, actually - I haven't been up to much mischief the last four weeks!

Oh yeah, we had Christmas, and New Year, but even then I was well behaved! And no gigs so no shinnanigans there either.

But.. I do have some stories I should write up. Like my next door neighbour's wedding. Ann is 70 and she married Ernie on 5th December 2008. It was the first time any of us had been to a church for ages without it being a funeral! It was a lovely day and though December was a dull well month, that one day was shining and bright.

I have been busy at work - I now run two blogs for my business (www.thecompletetrainer.blogspot.com and of course add new products to the work website (www.thecompletetrainer.com) - all of which keeps me busy.

I use online networking (Ecademy and LinkedIn) and and busy emailing and marketing and doing adwords and also ... would you believe.. helping to promote a holiday cottage (Cley Cottages) and some other stuff for my boss (Angie).

Coo! What a lot of links! But, that's what my life is at the moment - a virtual world! My business is virtual, I spend time on line writing (my writers circle) and my music life is... online too!

Ah, yes, and I've been working on a brand new project to publish music. Sooo... all in all I've been busy, but I've not been doing those kind of things that I like to blog about - weird gigs, odd parties, getting lost in strange places, trips, visits etc etc.

But that doesn't mean I won't be doing some exciting things this year... oh yeah, I have some plans I can tell you! And, knowing my luck, any gigs I do are bound to give me something to write about one way or another.

After all, the best subject in the world is human life, and my oh my, it's everywhere!

A trip to Belfast

For years now, I've been playing celtic music: not just Irish, but Scottish, French, Spanish - the celts were a well travelled race (and still are indeed).

So, here I am, at the grand age of 46, I've played Celtic music for years, even play the bodhran, and I'd never been to Ireland. Until Wednesday 31st January 2007. Coincidentally, a full moon. Which, though it has no relevance to the story, has relevance to me.

Why did I go to Belfast, and just for a day? Business of course. Why else get up at the crack of dawn (poor girl, she really should use more moisturiser) and drive down to Stansted to fly over to Belfast so you can get on a plane home again in the evening and arrive back home more tired than a tired thing? I reached the airport at 6.30 am. But as I love flying, the trip was no bother - I just love being in a plane.

Well, I went to a 'Network and Getwork' event with Belfast City Council. Oooh, what a fabulous building the Belfast City Hall is! More marble than you can imagine - a superb building with a beautiful dome and some really quite OTT paintings and (oh, I don't know, architecture was never my strong point - but lots of pretty bits, anyway).

As we drove into Belfast Andrew pointed out 'the sites'. "That estate, Protestant, and over there - UDF, and over there - IRA..." the journey was punctuated by sectarian territories. It is extraordinary - a cultural heritage you cannot imagine until you have been there with a native. And I guess the perspective will vary according to the person you are with. A shock to me in my naievety, I have to admit.

But first, my Irish colleague Andrew and I had a meeting to attend, with a potential associate for future business. Andrew picked me up from the airport (the flight was late, but Andrew was later) and we trolled off to the meeting at the Europa (the most bombed hotel in Belfast he told me). As we walked from our parking space to the hotel, he pointed out the men in red coats. "Privatised parking fines - they've made more than a million in fines in the first two months.."
As we wandered down the streets, a mix of modern and ancient buildings, I noticed to my left a plethora of tiling adorning the side of a building: "Is this the Crown?" I asked. "Yeah," he said, and as we turned the corner, "The Crown" pub it was. The oldest pub in Belfast. And I know this because I am a sad git and I read my BBC history magazine. But sure, he was impressed that I knew what the building was before seeing the frontage.

So, off to meet this chap in the Europa. BORING! He was extraordinarily boring, full of himself and I saw Andrew 'switch off' after about ten minutes (no good at false body language, bless him). I tried, but the bloke was obviously out to get more from us than we could get from him. Such is business. I will email him 'no thank you' politely at some point.

We were, of course, late for that meeting. And then, of course, because Andrew didn't want to stay on a parking meter, we had to look for another parking place. We went round, and round, and round... I saw quite a bit of Belfast. The two huge cranes - still standing from the days when they built the Titanic; bright new glass monstrosities (not a fan of modern architecture on the whole), the St Georges Market (opposite a particular kind of housing estate that he would not walk through of course).

We eventually parked in the same car park that we'd passed about ten minutes previously (I'd seen some cars leaving so knew there'd be a space!) and sauntered over to the City Hall for our network event. "Mr .... is talking. He's Sinn Fein, but business is business." Said Andrew. Business does seem to be breaking down the barriers it seems, but who am I to comment.

The entrance to the amazing Belfast City Hall opened into a fabulous atrium with high domed ceiling. Marble everywhere! Thick, deep, almost warm, the marble was the fabric and soul of this amazing building. (Yeah, I like marble.) We went up the stairs into the main hall where the event was taking place and started off with a finger buffet. Thankfully they didn't serve fingers, but bits of chicken and sausages and a few curly sandwiches.

Then we all sat down for the introductory speeches, from InvestIreland, Belfast City Council, The Dublin and Belfast Chambers of Commerce. I heard the nuance (well, not so much nuance as stridence) in each accent. It was a mixed audience and a mixed event. It was business. The oddest accent was probably mine - clear London!

Then we entered into a 'speed networking' furore that probably got Andrew one or two dates (he's a good looking lad I suppose) and got me one or two strange looks (unsurprising too). We had two meetings scheduled with the City Council which were both good. One with an HR person, one with a lady from Communications. Andrew pointed out to me which one was Catholic, and which Protestant. I could have worked it out, in retrospect, but it didn't occur to me that I needed to. And I don't need to - but I do need to understand more if I'm going to do business over there.

After our meetings Andrew and I sauntered round the corner to 'Bar Red' where we had a sit down, a chat, and a drink. But, to be honest, my excitement was nothing to do with being in Ireland for the first time, or the business networking - I was going to meet my best friend. For the first time.

Now that might sound strange - meeting your best friend for the first time, but that's the beauty of the internet. And the scary thing about it too I guess. I had 'met' Cathy on line on our writers forum many months before and we'd communicated about writing, then 'chatted' on line about other stuff, and slowly developed a very firm friendship. We now talked about everything and anything - and with someone you can't see or talk to, its often easier to share the 'difficult things' in your life, the stuff you usually keep bundled up behind shutters. After all, you are never going to meet them, they are never going to meet the people you talk about, they can't hurt you - at a distance.

But if you find someone who is such a good friend that you don't mind what they know, and you trust them completley, then actually meeting them won't cause you anxiety. Well, it shouldn't. And - it didn't really. Do you know what worried me most about meeting Cathy? That I would be a disappointment to her. That I would not be the selectively 'erudite' or 'eloquent' person I aspire to be, in words on paper and on line, and signally fail to be in person! There's a Carribean saying 'Mouth open, story jump out' - with me its 'Mouth open, foot jump in' more often than not.

So Andrew and I were in this bar, and I knew Cathy would arrive shortly. Andrew hung around, he's a gentleman and would not abandon me in a bar in a strange city on my own. I looked out the window and saw Cathy arrive. Looking just like her photo, she came into the bar and straight up to me (damn, I must look just like my photo too - and I hate my photos). I stood, and we hugged like old friends. We are old friends. I introduced her to Andrew, passed her a beer (I pre-ordered, knowing what she drinks), and we had a few minutes formal chatter. Andrew (still the gentleman) took his leave and left us to it. We were on our own.

I sent a quick text, as promised, to a third party. No reply. Cathy and I started to talk, and we found that we could converse as easily in person as we did on line and, in more recent times, on the phone. I think the phone calls helped, we knew what each sounded like and had attained some 'measure' of each others' pace of conversation. We had been worried that we'd need bits of paper to pass over, as if exchanging emails - but our concerns dissipated quickly.

I picked up my mobile phone - the text had not been responded to. I dialled - the US! - on my work mobile (I'd have to fess up to that one, that's for sure!). The person answered and I passed the phone to Cathy. On the phone was Nadine, in Arizona - a further friend via our writers circle with whom we were both in close email communication. We had always said she'd be with us 'in spirit' when we met. Cathy was astounded and pleased to hear Nadine on the phone. But the bar was noisy, so it was a short lived conversation.

We moved to a slightly quiter part of the bar, and talked. And talked. And talked. What did we talk about? I don't know! Cathy showed me pictures of her home town, I showed her pictures on my mobile of friends she knew by name and reputation. We examined each other's jewellry, telling the story behind each ring, bangle and earring. I tried to show Cathy the hairs on the palm of my hand (which is why there was some trepidation about a full moon - for I had the reputation of being a werewolf which is erroneously based on about three or four extremely fine hairs on a skin graft on my fingers).

We were both nervous, both excited, and both extremely happy. I felt as if I'd known Cathy for years - as if I was meeting up with an old friend I hadn't seen for a long time. I felt as if we were 'catching up' on history and events that we had shared in more than just emails and phone calls. It was a very strange experience. But it was one that kept me grinning for a long time. I wanted to laugh, to cry, to say how happy and pleased I was to meet her and how nice a person she really was. That she was as genuine and natural in person as she was on line. Or should that be the other way round? It was hard to say, and I wasn't eloquent, or erudite . I think I talked complete and utter rubbish. The pub was smokey, and Cathy smoked too. But for once, I didn't care.

I had just three hours before I had to pick up a taxi back to the airport. Cathy was staying over in Belfast with her family, so the taxi dropped her off first. The time ran out too quickly - there was still so much to natter about, and I didn't get to meet her (rather dishy from his pictures) husband or her son. But it was a start, and a good one. If you are going to meet your best friend for the first time, this is the perfect way to do it.

Once I'd left Cathy at her hotel, my taxi driver said he'd take me 'over the mountains, it's quicker from here'. Fairycakes it was quicker! Over the mountains? I think we must have doubled the usual journey to the airport. But I didn't really mind. I had a good chat with the driver, I went past the Falls Road, the Shankil Road (hey - they look like perfectly normal streets!) and then up the hills into the permanent fog that adorns the hills above Belfast. The taxi fare was more than £26 - but he rounded it down to £25. A minor twinge of guilt on his part, perhaps, for fleecing the poor English Eeejit.

I got to the airport and had traditional Irish Fayre for tea - Burger King. Nadine phoned me - I could hear this time and we spoke briefly. She was happy that we'd met. Cathy and I hope to meet her in time too. On the flight home I chatted with a lad I'd spoken to that morning - Darren. He'd come over for his aunt's funeral. Though we didn't sit together on the flight, we did catch up on the bus back to the car park. He was a teacher and - I guessed correctly - taught history. He had a seven week old son. We both play guitar and bass. Like will find like.

But on the flight I sat with my notebook open - ready to write - to put onto paper the gamut of feelings that I'd experienced. And nothing came. I just felt extremely peaceful, and tired. And, above all else, happy. I looked out of the window as we flew over England - the large dark spaces between the yellow smudges of light showing how rural much of the country still is around the busy international airport of Stansted.

I got home at about 10.30pm and my good friend Penni was there, looking after the kids whilst B was at a rehearsal with his band. My son and Penni's daughter were sitting together in the front room watching football. Her team was winning, his was losing. Penni made me tea and I listened to her and chatted briefly, trying desperately to stay awake. My children were fine, happy, sleepy. Like me.

I went to bed with a grin on my face. I heard B come in and get into bed and hugged him - so glad to be home and warm and loved and secure. And still happy. And in the morning, back to work, still with a smile on my face and in my heart.

I am a very lucky person. I have good friends, a lovely family, and the desire and pleasure of writing and playing music.

The loss of blogging attitude

I've been surfing the blogs - so many seem to have made one post and then slipped by the wayside. Is this because they are disheartened that no one has posted comments to their missives? Is it because 'it seemed like a good idea at the time'? Or because life overtakes you and there are more important things than feeding your flow of conciousness into cyberspace. I don't know, and perhaps I may even be a victim of this literary lethargy at some point, but what I do know is that it's really annoying to search through the 'interests', find something that looks good and then see that there's nothing more recent than a cold wet Thursday in 2004.

Ah well, I will keep surfing until I find some blogs that capture my interest. There was a park ranger one that looked interesting but that too faded out.. perhaps the bears ate the modem?