Don't load their gun

Last week, several of us from work attended a training event that was a bit different from the norm. The two-day course, called ‘Winning Edge’, was about how to change the way you think to develop (amongst other things) ‘success-oriented attitudes’.  It was donated to the Charity by a local trainer who needed to deliver her first session solo so she could be signed off to teach it independently.  

I’m not going to attempt to distil two days’ training in a single update, but here’s a little excerpt from one of the workbooks to give you a taster –

“Remember that the opposite of success isn’t failure – it’s not trying at all. If we view the ‘failure’ as a stepping stone and not a stumbling block, we ‘reframe’ the word in our consciousness, increase our confidence and reduce our fear of failure, which is a key reason that many people never even attempt to achieve their dreams.”

OK, I’m on board with that. But there were many discussions around several subjects and concepts that – I’m delighted to say – the team were ready to discuss, challenge and develop. It was a stimulating two days, and we still have a further day to go (in February).

But the title of this post is about weaponry, and it’s a concept that I think worth sharing. If someone insults you, or says something that upsets you, or offends you, then they are using a ‘verbal gun’. Now that gun is only loaded if you are insulted, are upset, or offended. In other words, the other person has absolutely no power to ‘shoot’ you unless you choose to ‘load their gun’ by feeling a negative emotion.

And you can choose how you react.

Let me give an example:

“Carolyn, you look tired today”. Is the person saying this to me

• a)       Concerned for my health
• b)      Making a snide comment as I have dark rings under my eyes
• c)       Just making conversation
• d)      Making an observation?

It doesn’t matter, because how I react, how I choose to interpret and respond to what is being said to me, is what counts. They made a comment. I can choose to listen, or not listen, and above all I can choose how I feel about what they said. I can choose not to be insulted, upset or offended. 

This subject alone engendered quite a bit of discussion, but it did have a useful learning point – perhaps it could even be interpreted as ‘don’t let the beggars grind you down’. But it’s more than that, it’s not about defiance or challenge, it's about choice. Choose not to let someone insult, offend, upset you, and you totally take away their power. Don’t load their gun with the bullet of your response.  This will take time and practice if you choose to subscribe to this way of thinking and if you are upset by something that’s ok, it doesn’t mean your feelings are less valid because you chose to react to them in that way.

For more information; and in the meantime, here’s the website https://www.winningedgemindset.com/