Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Beautiful


Why would a woman who is my age want to get a tattoo? Mid life crises? Very late onset teenage rebellion?

No, it's very simple. For many years now I have felt so bad about myself - I still refer to myself as OFU - old fat and ugly. After all, the facts is the facts. I've had a terrible few years where my self-esteem was not only low, but constantly undermined from lots of directions. I'd keep struggling on, and make some ground, only to have it pulled from under me like a rug on a polished wood floor.

I went swimming last night for the first time in a year. I swim very slowly, but steadily. I have no technique to speak of other than one that suits me. I enjoy it, it makes me feel good and I am in a nice quiet place in my mind when I swim.

And that's when it hit me. My tattoo is the first thing about me that I can say is beautiful. It is a part of me that I am not ashamed of - and even though it is an addition rather than actually me - I am pleased to have something beautiful about me for the first time in my life.
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