Being a 'band on the road' we would often have to eat exceedingly unhealthily. I know - you'd think the tour bus chef would have prepared something wholesome and appropriate for a touring band but a) no chef and b) no tourbus. Who am I kidding? Though we photo-shopped a plane with our band logo on it once (ha! Loads of people actually thought we had our own plane!), our travel mode was usually everyone in their own car and tough if you had any troubles.
Well, we'd frequently play 'oop north' and our most frequent provender stops were - you guessed it - chip shops! On one occasion we were all headed righ the way up to Barnard Castle (love the place) so this time we did hire a mini van. It was a bit squashed with all of us and our gear, but it saved on petrol and hey - we could all listen to 'The Archers' on Radio 4 on the way up. Sorry ... did you imagine loud music from the vehicle as the band hit the road? No, since the band hit the forties (our ages), we adopted a far more cultured attitude to travel, life on the road and how we should behave in public. Now - when we'd finished our long journey (we is Southerners you know), we just had one thing in mind! Six hours on the road (it was a slow van) - we needed a NICE CUP OF TEA! Yay. No bad band boozing for us. Boo, I mean.
Chip shops in the north are wonderful! The chips taste chippier, the fish is definintely fishier and the sausages in batter - well, batterful. "Do you want a barm cake?" we were asked. Eh?! Brave K, our drummer, said yes. And he got - a buttered bread roll. Aha! So that's a barm cake then.
But chip shops across the country have more delights in store. B, being vegetarian, was the hardest to please. In Bridgewater (other end of the country completely, down South West), he just had chips. "These are fanstastic chips!" he announced to the chippy. "That's 'cos we cook them in real beef dripping." he said. Laugh? - we cried with laughter! Poor B, he didn't finish the chips.
Now in the Midlands our chip shop experience was even funnier - but it only works if you can do a really good Cannock accent (so 'coach' would sound like 'couch' and 'Barry' would sound like 'Barroi'). B asked for a "roll with no butter."
"Oi'll 'ave to ask," said the chippy, which confused us, but hey ho - we were not on home territory. The answer came back positive and whilst we munched chips and sausage and burgers and all sorts of cholesterol time bombs, B waited - and waited. Eventually his chips were served and a pink, floppy blob plonked on top. "What's that?" He said in Southern horror.
"You asked for a roe with no batter..."
My latest food escapade on musical travels was a curry at the model airplane show. There were chips there too - but somehow.. .. ..