Excuse me, are you dead?

A few years ago, I applied for credit and was refused. I contacted  my bank, Santander who told me I was dead. Ahem... I hadn't noticed! Very remiss of me? No, they checked I really was alive, apologised and made amends (£200), but for two weeks I was dead according to the financial world. Not dead for 'tax purposes' as the dodgy Arthur Daly once recommended.

Check out the old 1932 cartoons! 

As someone who sends out those letters and emails asking for money for a good cause (not worked for a bad one yet), I am very sensitive to the hurt that can be caused to loved ones by sending letters out to people who are deceased. We take every precaution! If we are notified by a relative, or by returned post, we update the record and they are not mailed again. We even use external agencies to check for notification of death using precise matching of name and address. We really don't want to send a letter to a dead person, firstly so as not to upset the remaining family, and secondly because it is a waste of charity resources.

We recently sent out a mailing and did a 'screen' to remove those who are no longer living. The printer sent us back the records to remove as a result of the screening. Interestingly enough, five of them still had live direct debits with us. And then, one updated their address. Hmm... methinks that's pretty hard to do if you are dead!

I asked the question on a fundraising chat board and, anonymity promised, I discovered that we were not the only ones being told that our living donors were dead:

"I once had to remove the phone from one of my team who was busily letting a donor know they were dead and therefore she couldn't help them"

"We've just had a supporter restart a Direct Debit who was marked deceased by BACS last year"

"Have had a “deceased” donor on the phone asking why they didn’t get a thank you letter for a donation"

Now the first comment might make you smile, but at the heart of this is the people who have lost someone, who we don't want to mail or contact because of sensitivity to the family. Sometimes a direct debit may continue even with a deceased notification because it's a joint account, and the remaining individual wants to continue supporting the charity. But it goes to show, you can be as careful as you like, but it can be a very hard one to negotiate and make totally pain free. 

In closing, I would just like to apologise to every family who has received mail to a dearly departed, charities really do try their best!

Useful links (possibly!)

• The Bereavement Register (public can ask to stop mailings to deceased)
• Mortascreen (a business service that checks death records and other sources for deceased notifications)
• Experian Mortality (description from Data8)
• Death Notification Service (does what it says)
• General Register Office (UK Govt. 'hatch, match and dispatch')
• Arthur Daly - Minder (British TV comedy)

Liked this? Try...

• Trust in charities
• Fundraising strategies
• Mentoring

Picture source: not sure, but it's from an old Silly Symphonies animation.

Iceland part two

In November 2024 the volcano south of the airport decided to flex its magma and attempt to wipe out a town, destroy a few roads and seriously threaten the Blue Lagoon and the nearest power plant. It was spectacular! Not world-impacting like the 2010 eruption of E17 (which is on the glacier we later visited) - but still impressive. Would we see lava? Well, not 'in the flesh' as it were. The volcano was rumbly, but not performing for visitors when we were in Iceland.

Human made lava

Day two: doing the cultural bit. We had our breakfast and headed into Reykjavik, having decided that the Lava show and Northern Lights exhibition were the two places we wanted to head to. Deciding on the Norther Lights first (we hadn't seen them yet, as it was so cloudy), we rocked up to find it shut! And a sign on the door saying they'd moved - phew! We headed to the new venue but arrived at the Lava show venue first, with just 10 minutes before the 12 o'clock show. Lava first! 

When a couple watched the lava flow past their house, they were awestruck. They wanted us all to share in the wonder, but without the evacuations, ruined roads and danger to life. So they built this show with a massive burner that melts the black laval sands and turns them back into hot lava. It was mesmerising! The presenter, Joanna, gave a really interesting talk on the geology of Iceland, how the lava is released, types of lava flow (using two cute but forgotten Hawaiian terms), and then demonstrated how it would buckle, turn into glass, and retain heat even when the surface was cold. She made lava strands (witches hair) and - as the lava had already been melted once and was 'gas free' - the result was like black glass. 

Northern lights watching

After a very enjoyable 'demonstration' we went next door to the Northern Lights exhibition. You might wonder how they can showcase a natural phenomenon, but they did a great job. There were really clear explanations of what causes them, where they happen, the different colours (different heights in the atmosphere) and an amazing photography display in an almost cinema-sized room where you could sit, or even lie down and watch the Northern lights in all their glory. If we didn't see them in real life, this would be the next best thing! The tour finished with steel swivel pod chairs and a VR headset that worked amazingly. We got our Northern Lights fix!

Driving out of Reykjavik we headed to the Harper Hall (an amazing building) but as we could not park anywhere, we headed out by following the coast road. It didn't take long to reach a lighthouse and a nature reserve. We could have walked to the lighthouse along a little causeway, but the tide was coming in and we didn't fancy an afternoon being buffeted on the lighthouse island, waiting for the tide to go out again. Instead we started to walk along the sea wall (looking down on black sand) and we saw our first proper wildlife: King Eider ducks, purple sandpiper (a first for me) and a speeding hawk that must have ben a gyr falcon, although it was too speedy for a confirmed ID. We had a lovely walk through the nature reserve up to a large pond with Whooper swans, pink footed geese and a host of other ducks. The wind was whistling round us, and it was overcast, but the fresh cold air was exhilarating. 

On our way back we stopped for a late lunch at a small restaurant and we had raw beef and cooked cheese. I say 'we', but I ate most of it.

Liked this? Try...

• Iceland part 1
• Too fat for a Pole
• Above the salt

Useful links:

• The Lava Show
• The Northern Lights Centre

All photos (C) Carolyn Sheppard

Iceland part 1

Oh, I've been a lax blogger! But Sheena and I have been busy, for sure. Our latest adventure was a trip to Iceland in February. 

Day one: we had stayed overnight near the airport as the flight was at silly o'clock. All went smoothly and we landed in Iceland at just after 9am local time (which was the same as UK time). It was cold, but not snowy as I had imagined. There was old snow on the ground, muddied and slushed, but the vista was of rocky, snow-highlighted terrain rather than the white-out I had anticipated. Warmer than usual for the time of year perhaps? But it was chilly, and the wind was biting!

Stripy Icelandic Mountains

We eventually found our hotel after asking directions (sent to the wrong place, with same road name), and using an insufficiently detailed map until at last our sat nav started to work. On the way up the main road from Keflavik to Reykjavik we passed the biggest fish processing plant I've ever seen - it must have been about a kilometre long! But then fishing is a mainstay of their economy, so not surprising.

As soon as I walked in I realised it was the same hotel that I had stayed in during my previous visit 8 or so years previously, even though I hadn't made the booking this time. Picture hunting lodge (entrance) crossed with motel style parking and rooms, and a sports bar with video screen (showing flickering firelight most of the time). The ground was icy - and there were dirty piles of snow in the corners of the parking area. Across the road we had a lovely view of the KFC (no, we didn't eat there once). Our room upstairs looked out across the town (Mosfellsbaer) to mountains that were striped with snow that snuggled away from the wind in the channels made from years of meltwater scoured paths. It was picturesque, but somewhat bleak without the mantle of complete snow cover. It was a nice room, a very comfy bed, and pleasant staff. The breakfast was a help-yourself buffet which enabled us to fill up heartily for the day ahead.

We spent our first day relaxing and went to the local supermarket to stock up on some sandwich

Our hats kept us warm and made others smile!

components. We visited the bar in the evening and chatted with some other residents in the lounge, plus an Icelandic storyteller. Now, he probably didn't picture himself as a storyteller, but we all recognised him as such. He started off as a fisherman, working out of Dubai. He had an apartment in Dubai. He was the son of the family who owned the massive fish processing factory. His father was dead, his mother was an alcoholic. He inherited the family business and was a fisherman. I have never seen a fisherman with such soft, small hands! But who knows, maybe he was the sonar operator or something. He had an apartment in Iceland, no, an apartment and a house, or was it now two houses? He was upset that girls he met wouldn't wait for him for three months every time he went to sea. He loved being at sea, even though as a millionaire he didn't need to work. He also loved to talk, but seemed to be following in his mother's footsteps. Our host came in and spoke something rapid and harsh in Icelandic. He sloped back to the main bar, like a contrite child.  

It was good to exchange pleasantries with the other guests, and share what we had done or what we were going to do. Our first day was relaxing and we slept well after our very early start. No Northern lights out the window, but rain! 

In part two - LAVA!

Useful links:

• Iceland entry in Britannica
• Iceland's Fishing Industry
• Mosfellsbaer
• Hotel Laxnes

Liked this? Try...

• The village of barking dogs
• We didn't catch covid

All Photos (C) Carolyn Tyrrell-Sheppard

Reflections

I look at my blog sometimes because there's something there I'd like to refer to, such as a cancer story, or something to do with work, or just because I'm prompted by a memory. My blog is really my public online diary. But that's OK, I know very few people read it, but it will be here for my family in the future, and for anyone who is casually browsing and finds one of my stories or posts on one subject or another.

I was looking through my cancer posts as there was news in the Telegraph that smear tests may be less invasive in future. Oddly enough, I had my latest test recently, because I had some HPV cells in my last one so instead of falling off the test list, I'm staying on for a while. Thankfully, all clear this time.

I wanted to share with colleagues how important it is to attend these tests, as uncomfortable as they may be. They really could mean the difference between life and death, or life and a more invasive treatment regime that would make the smear test pale into insignificance. By invasive I mean things like surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy. Catch it early, and you are likely to have a better cancer journey than many.

My cousin's cancer is back, but he is very stoic and - whilst having treatment - is fundraising for CRUK. He is confident that it will be kept under control - and he kept up his tests, so it was spotted early. I have had another colonoscopy because I had some abdominal pains, but they were clear. Yes, the colonoscopy was definitely 'not fun', and the results were negative, but I'm glad I went through it instead of leaving it to chance, and also letting the thought - and that can be almost as destructive as disease - continue to nag at me.

 The old mine, Adelong (C) 

Are you worried? Do you have something that doesn't feel right? Get it checked! Don't worry about your GP's time, that's what they are there for (and they'd rather treat you sooner too if there is any need). Are you worried it might be something, or nothing? Well something is a hell of a lot more worrying than nothing, so go get that check, and eliminate the uncertainty. You and your family will benefit from positive action, I promise.

But back to reflections, as well as looking back on my cancer journey (and Sheena's), I also read one of my posts about my visit to Malaysia and Borneo - and that's a memory I treasure. I wish I could go back and visit Baku forest again and see the proboscis monkeys, or cross the river in Kuching to taste one of those impossibly bright cakes they sell, or see a langur in the wild again. But, I did those things - how lucky am I? 

Look after you, as well as those around you. Follow up on those tests, anything that doesn't feel right. Check it out. 

Useful links:

• Invasive smear tests may become a thing of the past
• CoppaFeel! | Check Your Chest | Breast Cancer Awareness Charity
• CHAPS - Home  - prostate cancer support
• Prostate Cancer UK | Prostate Cancer UK

Liked this? Try...

• Being in Malaysia
• The City of Cats
• Adelong morning

An unusual childhood

I've written a bit before about the different childhood I had, but not in much detail (see Liked this? below). I could probably write a book, but instead here's a short poem. One thing my mother talks a lot about (she's 92 now) is regret. She can't undo the past, and there were so many good things, different things, that I learned that I would never have done without that childhood. I know how fabric should hang, and whether it is right for the period, for example.  The world of CGI has changed costumery for the cinema, certainly, but theatre still relies on a lot of craft. My mother was certainly a very talented craftsperson.

Growing up

Samco, acetone, buckram, calico

Pearl glue, foam rubber, plaster, fur fabric

Mother much too busy, for the small child

 

Giant moth, Sontaran, Mutant, Cyberman*

Pepper pot, Cuckoo, giant flies, tutus

Comedians and actors, smile at the small child.

 

Plum pudding, ballet masks, feather boas, jock straps

David Wood, Gyles of course, Raymond Briggs, dinosaurs

Directors and dancers, not noticing the small child

 

Peter Rabbit, Whatamess, Gladiator, Fungus

Marty Feldman, Mickey Dolenz, Morecambe and Wise

Placido bumped into, by the small child

 

Coliseum, D’Oyly Carte, Drury Lane and Shaftesbury

Rooms of feathers, rooms of foam, rooms of fabric off the loom

A curious playground, for the small child

 

Hats, masks, monsters, jewellery, designs

Costumes, sequins, Jesus Christ’s crown

All distractions for the young child

 

Working on Christmas day, working on holidays

Pins and needles in the chair arm; pricked fingers

A normal day for the wheezing child

 

Clay, there was a lot of clay! The picture above shows Gyles and my mother - he is posing for the Dilly the Dinosaur costume she made him for a book publisher's promotional tour.

Liked this? Try...

• Danny La Rue
• Muppets
• Dr Who

References:

• Dr Who monsters *Sally made the Minoptera, the Solonians, and parts of the Sontarans, the Gell Guards, and bits of Cybermen and other costumes/props.
• Placido Domingo I bumped into him at the Royal Opera House, when he was in Girl of the Golden West

Photo credit: BBC TV. 

Binary bigotry

Binary bigotry is a term I have coined because of the ‘unthinking’ likes and shares in social media of hateful memes. I have seen several social media posts (shared by people I know) that use direct comparisons to create an emotive response to promote racism and bigotry.

I’ll give you an example; a picture of a homeless white man, and a picture of a crowded boat full of migrants, with a caption on the lines of ‘Put our veterans before illegal immigrants’. Or similarly, a comparison with our elderly community and the loss of heating benefit and immigrants claiming UK benefits[1].

Not everything is black and white

These are not realistic comparisons; these memes are created purely to promote a racist point of view and, by using simple binary comparisons, they get shared because the ‘choice’ is put clearly. But that’s not the real choice. I’ll use my own example:

Would you rather pay a £300 winter heating allowance to a millionaire pensioner[2] than provide basic food and housing to someone who was beaten and tortured in their home country and risked their life to reach the UK to escape certain death? Or even, do you think we should be paying £16,000 a week to look after an excluded child ‘criminal’[3], or pay for more teachers in our primary schools?

It’s all about perspective. I would no more use the above comparisons – the ‘binary’ choices – than I would the former. Binary bigotry is clever, it uses emotive subjects to create a sense of injustice and promote a strong, often racist, response.

Binary bigotry lumps huge groups of individuals into one 'identifiable' category. Those seeking asylum legally, homeless, veteran, elderly, it doesn't matter - they are collected into a single meme and there is no room for nuance.

I would love social media to show more balanced, informed content, but – probably like this article – it doesn’t have the impact that such binary bigotry can engender. Any kind of binary thinking can be limiting[4], and that - in my opinion – is very sad. But saddest of all is the willingness of people to share unthinking hate. 

I have put several references in this article – please read them, I am no psychology or political expert, I do not have the answers, I just want to highlight the danger of this simplistic form of hate promotion.

Please note: This article represents my personal experiences and opinion and does not relate to my professional life, the position of my employer or any of my connections.

Picture credit: me

#notabystander

References:

[1] How much do asylum seekers living in hotels get to live on per week? – Full Fact

[2] Golden oldies: Are one in five pensioners millionaires? – Full Fact

[3] Unlawful care homes ‘profiteering’ from at-risk children - BBC News

[4] Binary Thinking and the Limiting of Human Potential: Public Integrity: Vol 23 , No 6 - Get Access (tandfonline.com)

Where there’s a Will…

Pushing up the daisies

Writing a Will isn’t a one-time event—it's something you'll likely do multiple times throughout your life, for different reasons. The first time I wrote a Will was when my husband and I bought our first home. Although I’m no longer a property owner, I still have possessions and, more importantly, specific wishes about what happens when I die.

Major life events like buying a house or starting a family are natural times to write or update a Will. I did just that when I had children. Later, when I left my home and began a new chapter on my own, I updated my Will again. Then, life took another turn—happily, I remarried. But did you know that getting married can automatically invalidate a previous Will? I didn’t, so yes, I had to draft yet another one.

The truth is, you don’t need to be old or unwell to make a Will. You just need to be an adult with a clear idea of how you want your affairs handled after you're gone.

Bought the farm

I used to assume that when I died, everything would automatically go to my spouse. [But for those who aren’t married or in a civil partnership, that’s not the case for your partner.] And if you’re separated but not yet divorced, you might still need to update your Will if you don’t want your ex to inherit everything. Financial separation is another thing to consider—I discovered I was still listed on my ex-husband's bank account eight years after our divorce! This meant I could have been liable if he had any
debts, which was quite a shock.

Thankfully, creating a new Will was straightforward. I used the Free Will service from Mental Health UK (MHUK). The process was simple: I filled out a form, detailed my wishes for my estate, and ensured that even my modest assets, like savings, pensions, and life insurance, would be distributed according to my desires. Just to check everything over I then had a call from their solicitor – I didn’t need to go into their office, but you can do it all in person if you prefer.

You don’t need to own a house or have millions in the bank to make a Will—everyone should have one, if only to make sure that your prized possessions, like my bass guitar, end up in the right hands.

Speaking of debts, I’m fortunate not to have any, not even a mortgage. But it's important to note that your debts don’t disappear when you die. A Will can help protect some of your assets from being sold off to pay debts and, more importantly, ease the burden on those left behind.

Whether or not I have a funeral is up to me, but I plan to consult my family about it. My Will includes my wishes: I’d like to be cremated, and I want my friends and family to throw a party—a celebration rather than a time of mourning.

I know many people find it difficult to talk about death, but like taxes and change, it’s inevitable. I’d rather discuss my options now and make my wishes clear in my Will. It’s practical planning, and it can even be tax efficient. Let’s face it, I won’t care once I’m dead, so being thoughtful now is the best I can do.

Kick the bucket

Writing a Will is easy and straightforward. I’ve used MHUK’s Free Will service, and I’ve left a gift to them in my Will. In my case, it’s a pecuniary gift, meaning a specific sum of money. But you can also leave items, like cars, books or, or a percentage of your estate, known as a residuary gift (a percentage of what’s left over after costs, like funerals and debts etc). You can have more than one charity in your Will if you want, but I chose MHUK because it’s a charity I care about. Most charities offer a Free Will writing service - so select the cause you care about and contact them. After family and friends are considered, leaving a gift that will help others is important to me. I encourage you to do the same.

If you haven’t made your Will yet, I strongly suggest you do. The peace of mind it brings to you and your loved ones is invaluable.

Photo copyrights:

• Daisies: FreeImages.com
• Farm: sunderlands.co.uk
• Bucket: Dailystar.co.uk

Useful links:

• Mental Health UK - gifts in Wills
• Rethink Mental Illness - gifts in Wills
• The Law Society - making a Will

If you liked this, try...

• Mental health
• Long-lived memories
• Tales from a fundraiser