It’s not always easy. Going to a party, for instance. Now I’m not a wallflower and will talk to anyone, but at a party where there is non-stop live music (which was great but quite loud), how do you sit and chat with someone you don’t know? Not possible. Though I went to the party with very nice people, I didn’t want to hang around them like a spare part. They had their socialising to do, people they knew at the party and most certainly I didn’t want them to feel they had to babysit me.
But it made me sad. I didn’t know anyone, and didn’t feel able to chat and make any connections like I usually do. Funny really, at a party where most people were musicians.
I went for a walk in the grounds – watched the horses munching lush rain-sodden grass, watched the bronze sky darken as the sun set over the Buckinghamshire countryside.
At times like that I feel terribly lonely, and yet absolutely fine at the same time. What the hell am I doing? Why on earth am I where I am and doing what I'm doing?
Well, number one reason for being at the party was to play music, which we did and I thoroughly enjoyed. It is strange, though, how my social skills seem to have taken a battering over these last few years. It's not as though I never went anywhere or did anything on my own in the past - I most certainly did and never seemed to have a problem.
There's probably an answer in there somewhere, but for now I will just look back on the day and remember the fun rehearsal, the lovely lunch, and the great musicians I played with.
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