Grandparents

When I was a child, my mother would get me to write to my grandparents, specifically 'Granny and Charles' (both my grandparent's on her side had divorced, hence Charles wasn't grandpa). I remember that my mother admonished me with 'You haven't written to Granny and Charles recently', and my youthful reply was, "well, they never write to me." Kid logic.

The days of writing to grandparents have disappeared, and technology has overtaken the pen and paper even to the extent of replacing thank you cards with texts or video calls, but the thing about grandparents is that you don't need a guilt trip to want to contact them.

Grandparents have the priveledge of having raised the parent of their grandchild and been through all the angst and worry that brings, and then observing that same angst transferred to their child that is now a parent. They have the opportunity to do all the things that their parents did with their child - the 'spoiling' if you like (whether that's being allowed sweets or allowed to get dirty, or buying expensive toys and games). Being a grandparent is a bit of a 'free' card - because you won't experience the consequence (back home) of the indulgence.

But grandparents aren't just for treating the grandkids, they are an opportunity to provide an example, to be that learned adult that isn't mum or dad (or step mum/dad) and who may actually be listened to - if the advice is given in the context of fun. Why can't parents do this? Oh they can, but kids are naturally resistant to parentgal instruction it appears.

But grandparents also have the opportunity to be eccentric, and in being so - unlike parents who embarass their kids - they are a novelty.

Sally, my mother

I've mentioned Granny and Charles, the converse is Grandpa and Peeps. I had four grandparents, but all on my mother's side (my father's parents died a when he was young). For a while grandpa lived with us, but then my mother (fed up with an elderly relative around the house, but I do have some lovely stories about him at home) said why not go and live with his ex-wife, who was also on her own. And in their declining years, they lived together again - two old folk rubbing along.

Peeps (her name was Primrose) was an unusual grandmother. She had a lot of insight that was almost spooky. She was a published author (weird ideas about Egyptian gods, Christianity and spacemen), and outliving grandpa, was still running her own cult religion at the age of 91.

She wasn't the greatest stepmother by all accounts, but I think she did her best having had no children herself. My mother was an only child, and when I asked her about her memories of VE day (she spent the war safely in South Africa with her aunt), she spoke about how difficult it was when she came home and her parents arguing over which house she should go to. Sad really.

River, my grandson

As a grandmother, my mother has come into her own in more recent years - when I first had kids she was in Mallorca most of the time with her new partner (Orlando), so wasn't the sort of granny you'd drop the kids round to. But visiting Mallorca to see her and Orlando wasn't exactly a hardship! So she was more of a grandparent in absentia, but she adores being a great-grandmother now and (lockdown notwithstanding) wants to see the kids and the grandchild as much as she can. Orlando died in 2000, when my kids were 9 and 7, but he did his bit as a grandad, playing football with Alex and telling Mel how beautiful she was.

My grandpa was a birdwatcher and an RAF pilot, and there's a whole blog post devoted to him, but as a grandparent myself I am trying to do my best and be the 'fun granny' to my little grandson. He has four grandparents, plus extras - lucky lad! There is myself, and my partner, and my ex-husband and his partner, and both of his dad's parents.

I hope that he will want to do things with me and my partner Sheena, and given time we have promised (just to scare my daughter really) that we will teach him to ride a motorbike (we have a four quad bike that he will fit when he is about four), and to do lots of crafty things in the forest. We are lucky that Sheena has two grandchildren too, plus some add ons (her son's step kids) and they are old enough to already do fun things with.

My father died when I was just 13 so he never saw my children - my ex-husband's parents both died before the kids were born too, and I know all of them would have loved being grandparents. So I am going to grandparent the best I can, because I know it's a priviledge.

Liked this? Try

The birdwatcher in me (thanks grandpa)
The Family Sheppard
What I learned from the Wiggles